Tuesday, June 28, 2016

I Really Expected To Be Productive Today

Instead, on the spur of the moment I went to breakfast with a great friend and then let the day take us. It was brilliant and one of those days that hasn't happened in far too long.

Maybe "productive" has different meanings.

But The Uphill Battle Is Worth The View

When you've explained and push and pulled and made some movement an finally can savour a sweet sleep that has seemed so distant, it feels worth the effort.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

The Flight Doesn't Always Make Up For the Fall

There are days when I would happily embrace a simple vista from a plateau.

Not complainin', jus' sayin'.

Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
They speak of a country I also knew
Inside a sound
Oh, friend, come closer
I will unfold her
Bliss all around

Come, my son!
Come, my daughter!
Come in love, come in honour!
Oh, Jagadeesha, eternal teacher,
Bless all our hours, hours, hours!

Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha

Go with the good, forever run,
This love is strong, burn all night long
Bless them in full, in all three worlds
My momma said, oh, oh, oh

Come, my son!
Come, my daughter!
Come in love, come in honour!
Oh, Jagadeesha, eternal teacher,
Bless all our hours, hours, hours!

Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha


Monday, June 13, 2016

Of Pasts and Futures

Some things do linger.

A Pocketful Of Shells - Mat McHugh
 

I got a pocket full of shells,
And not much of anything else.
I got a locket full of notes,
Old melodies, uncounted votes

And it's been so long since I've seen you
And I've been so gone and out of my mind
And things they move on, but I just need you
So I still wait for you most every night

When are you coming home?
It's so lonely here tonight...

Followed a trail of poison crumbs.
We got lost pretending, undone.
Then our blood fell from the clouds,
The wind it screamed, the sea it howled.
And every cold, dry morning, crows sing
Of how there's ice forming on the lake.
And somebody called me, said they saw you,
Said you were looking older but just the same.

When are you coming home?
It must be freezing out today ...

And we'll sing Galilee, we'll sing reverie
Dance for the broken, break these chains.
We'll sing of wrongs and lies and alibis.
We'll take a chance and start again.

We'll take a chance and start again.
We'll take a chance and start again.


Small Steps

Spent the weekend doing some more self education.  After 3.5 years of trying to make myself "normal", trying to figure out what my new normal is, of being told by doctors that what I'm saying doesn't make sense, and the ensuing isolation, it's silly to be surprised at how emotional I am when I read so many things things that I've experienced are not only experienced by many others, but are to be expected and that I can find guidance on how to handle things.  But I am.  It's beyond feeling validated, it's the sense of being overwhelmed when you suddenly realize that you aren't, in fact, crazy.  And even better, there's an entire community out there for support.  The basic, "Hey!! You, too?!  I thought I was the only one...." kind of support.

And of course there was this.  A favorite song from a favorite artist.  Nice!  I recognized too much in those faces than I can articulate.
 
I'm erring on the side of being cautiously optimistic, but I'm also hoping that there will end up being a number of resources that come into play that not only encourage me out of isolation, but also launch me into a healthier life arc, overall.  It would be so great.  Life in the City has always been a hustle, but the uphill battle of the last 3.5 years have been exhausting and entirely worth it. Still, I'd like to request some smooth sailing and sanity for a bit before the next "Onwards and Upwards" adventure!