Saturday, December 31, 2016

Looking Forward

I have a tradition of saying goodbye and hello to each year, but I probably won't this year. For many reasons. Mostly because the biggest lesson of the year is that am still learning and that's a huge blessing.

Thank you so much for friends who offered silly and awesome support.

Thank you so much for friends who shared, bravely and joyously their world. Let's please keep talking and sharing perspectives.

Thank you so much for strangers who became friends.

May the next year be the full of love along with a healthy dose of understanding.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

On Perseverance, Positivity, and Compassion

2016, you were a really tough pill to swallow on almost every level.  I don't resent your lessons and without sounding pessimistic, I think that 2017 will be one of a kind.  That all said, you really reinforced one lesson.

Saturday, December 10, 2016


Henceforth nominated to be the WOTY.  

Thank you, Ms. Sarah!

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

There Are

Days of beauty, pain, rain, and production.  

When they happen all at once, amazing things can take place.

Monday, November 21, 2016


"When we approach with reverence, great things decide to approach us. Our real life comes to the surface and its light awakens the concealed beauty in things. When we walk on the earth with reverence, beauty will decide to trust us. The rushed heart and arrogant mind lack the gentleness and patience to enter that embrace.” 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

I Will Not Harbor Hate in My Heart

It has taken me maybe too much time to form these words as an articulation of faith and path, but I finally have.

I accept, and hence enormously share, the feelings of pain, fear, anger, confusion, sadness, loss, grief, hopelessness, helplessness, displacement, disillusionment, rudderlessness, lost identity, and anxiety that have been on the horizon for months.  Injustices festering for generations...I hear the history. I am a child of that history.

I understand and respect the need for reparation, security, and growth as a nation.

I will do my part to make that happen, but I will not harbor hate in my heart.

Friday, November 18, 2016


is next week.  It completely slipped my radar until a few minutes ago and is an unusual gut punch.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Oh To Have A Week of 2:47 AM

To be more specific: 2-4-ish AM.  The space when bar time has ended and the garbage trucks and street cleaners haven't started is a slipstream of calm.

The world is so beautiful when largely everyone is asleep. The silence is so rich and sweet and full comfort and quiet promise.

Yes, a week of this would be so very wonderful.

Monday, September 12, 2016


I've had a couple of extremely intense weeks professionally and personally, which usually makes me go pretty inward in reflection and restoration. This was also set up against a background of days of back to back interviews which is a necessary evil for a job hunter, but hugely draining AF for an introvert.
In many ways, I feel as though what we perceive speaks more of what is happening with our inner climate than what might be actually going on in the outside world or others' intentions, so I try very hard to examine internally first and speak second vs pure reaction. [That said, I'm not perfect.]
I don't know if it's the season change or coincidence, but I have had two people get exceedingly snarky with me because I'm "so positive" and "always find a way to find good in bad situations" - as if an absence of bitterness is offensive to them. I mean I have WTF moments every single day, but becoming a bitter cow is not going to make anything better or me more enjoyable to be around. 
I will call a spade a spade and I can be extremely plainspoken when the need arises. OTOH, when someone whose intentions and insight I trust calls me out, I listen and openly acknowledge the validity of their observations. I am not infallible nor am I tone deaf or needy of retribution / playing the blame game.
I've also had two people be *incredibly* generous with their time and attention with the initially unstated expectation that I would return the favor with a different kind of "time and attention" on my part. 
I do not do kindness with hooks in it. At all. Ever. 
I spent a few days feeling gross and used. [My inner dialogue.] I stated boundaries and set expectations that were entirely ignored or outright disqualified, as if it was a negotiation. I felt a bit conflicted until I asked each individual how they would view the situation if they were watching this same scenario unfold with their daughters. Radio silence. Therein is the truth, sirs: it was not, in fact, much ado about nothing, was it?
It will probably remain a mystery to me why people think that being mean, malicious, or manipulative will even the playing field, but apparently that operator's manual is a best seller in some groups. 
So yeah, don't be a dick and stop being an asshole. We all require course correction, but these are better habits built than hail Mary passes thrown.

Tuesday, September 06, 2016


Is what I feel when my compass is straight and I'm headed on the right path.  It feels as though it's been nearly three years of swimming in a rip current: energy out and exhaustion in return. Always, ever further from my goal.  But, as ever, fall down 7 times, get up 8.  Several recent weeks of intense activity, patience, and effort are ones that I hope will pay off.  We shall see!  In the meantime, Spotify still nails my musical moments before I even recognize the need to have them.

"Om Narayana
" by Wade Imre Morissette

Joy on the inside and peace on the outside
Loving on the inside and laughing on the outside
Kissing on the inside and healing on the outside
Flowing on the inside and thriving on the outside
Clearing on the inside and accepting the outside
Shining on the inside and shining on the outside

Shine on.

Shanti Om.

Monday, September 05, 2016

A Few Thoughts

This is possibly my fave site when I think I'm going sideways after being told that I'm always the cute wallflower when I'd rather be home chillin' like the villain that I am. *snicker*  Because, yeah, introverts [even masquerading cleverly at times as extroverts] are awesome. 

Check this post out as well.

And if you are lucky enough to be involved with one of us, know this. And that is not limited to romantic love.  We just love.

Tuesday, August 02, 2016

Harry Baker: The power of self-acceptance

In honor of this.

Stay Gone, But Do Not Disappear

“Leaving is not enough. You must stay gone. Train your heart like a dog. Change the locks even on the house he's never visited. You lucky, lucky girl. You have an apartment just your size. A bathtub full of tea. A heart the size of Arizona, but not nearly so arid. Don't wish away your cracked past, your crooked toes, your problems are papier mache puppets you made or bought because the vendor at the market was so compelling you just had to have them. You had to have him. And you did. And now you pull down the bridge between your houses, you make him call before he visits, you take a lover for granted, you take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic. Make the first bottle you consume in this place a relic. Place it on whatever altar you fashion with a knife and five cranberries. Don't lose too much weight. Stupid girls are always trying to disappear as revenge. And you are not stupid. You loved a man with more hands than a parade of beggars, and here you stand. Heart like a four-poster bed. Heart like a canvas. Heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street.”
Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell by Marty McConnell

Friday, July 29, 2016


Because poetry is for the soul.

Scott Orr - "In The Belly Of The Whale"

This has been my morning song for nearly two weeks. I can’t get enough of it. "In The Belly Of The Whale" At the first glimpse of light I’ll be looking for you Lord I’m in the belly of a whale The first step I’ll take I’ll be headed the right way I’m in the belly of a whale The first song I’ll sing I’ll sing it to you God I’ll sing Hallelujah From the belly of a whale Why do you love a heart that’s not beating I have a heart that’s not beating But I was born for Hallelujah I’m in the belly of a whale My spiritual life is pretty private, though I’ll speak about it if asked. I’ve had a great deal of bible training and this speaks more, to me, as a contemplation on finding direction and purpose while feeling adrift. Personal redemption even. It’s beautiful and calming and a joy to listen to while reaching for a new day.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Four Minutes Has Been a Big Thing

Seafret did a new version of it late last year.

The 36 questions are here.  It's less about romantic attraction than forming fundamental connections.

We need more connection.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

I Really Expected To Be Productive Today

Instead, on the spur of the moment I went to breakfast with a great friend and then let the day take us. It was brilliant and one of those days that hasn't happened in far too long.

Maybe "productive" has different meanings.

But The Uphill Battle Is Worth The View

When you've explained and push and pulled and made some movement an finally can savour a sweet sleep that has seemed so distant, it feels worth the effort.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

The Flight Doesn't Always Make Up For the Fall

There are days when I would happily embrace a simple vista from a plateau.

Not complainin', jus' sayin'.

Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
They speak of a country I also knew
Inside a sound
Oh, friend, come closer
I will unfold her
Bliss all around

Come, my son!
Come, my daughter!
Come in love, come in honour!
Oh, Jagadeesha, eternal teacher,
Bless all our hours, hours, hours!

Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha

Go with the good, forever run,
This love is strong, burn all night long
Bless them in full, in all three worlds
My momma said, oh, oh, oh

Come, my son!
Come, my daughter!
Come in love, come in honour!
Oh, Jagadeesha, eternal teacher,
Bless all our hours, hours, hours!

Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha
Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha, Jagadeesha

Monday, June 13, 2016

Of Pasts and Futures

Some things do linger.

A Pocketful Of Shells - Mat McHugh

I got a pocket full of shells,
And not much of anything else.
I got a locket full of notes,
Old melodies, uncounted votes

And it's been so long since I've seen you
And I've been so gone and out of my mind
And things they move on, but I just need you
So I still wait for you most every night

When are you coming home?
It's so lonely here tonight...

Followed a trail of poison crumbs.
We got lost pretending, undone.
Then our blood fell from the clouds,
The wind it screamed, the sea it howled.
And every cold, dry morning, crows sing
Of how there's ice forming on the lake.
And somebody called me, said they saw you,
Said you were looking older but just the same.

When are you coming home?
It must be freezing out today ...

And we'll sing Galilee, we'll sing reverie
Dance for the broken, break these chains.
We'll sing of wrongs and lies and alibis.
We'll take a chance and start again.

We'll take a chance and start again.
We'll take a chance and start again.

Small Steps

Spent the weekend doing some more self education.  After 3.5 years of trying to make myself "normal", trying to figure out what my new normal is, of being told by doctors that what I'm saying doesn't make sense, and the ensuing isolation, it's silly to be surprised at how emotional I am when I read so many things things that I've experienced are not only experienced by many others, but are to be expected and that I can find guidance on how to handle things.  But I am.  It's beyond feeling validated, it's the sense of being overwhelmed when you suddenly realize that you aren't, in fact, crazy.  And even better, there's an entire community out there for support.  The basic, "Hey!! You, too?!  I thought I was the only one...." kind of support.

And of course there was this.  A favorite song from a favorite artist.  Nice!  I recognized too much in those faces than I can articulate.
I'm erring on the side of being cautiously optimistic, but I'm also hoping that there will end up being a number of resources that come into play that not only encourage me out of isolation, but also launch me into a healthier life arc, overall.  It would be so great.  Life in the City has always been a hustle, but the uphill battle of the last 3.5 years have been exhausting and entirely worth it. Still, I'd like to request some smooth sailing and sanity for a bit before the next "Onwards and Upwards" adventure!

Monday, May 30, 2016

Something Broke

Like a dam, but it's not all bad and it's not a tragedy.  A revelation, perhaps, but nothing to weep for.  Envelopes pushed.  Barriers questioned. Ledges not leapt.  Confrontations de-escalated.  An internal decision held quietly firm.  Steadfast in continuity.  Questions sometimes answered.  Old identity shed and new one surfacing.

Something broke, but not all "broken" things are bad.

Anchors and Freedom

Anchors can represent safety and they can also hold one back.  A tether severed is a chance to fly freely.

Friday, May 27, 2016

Lesson of a Year

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

-Albert Einstein

Monday, May 23, 2016

Toughest Few Months

Have been listening to my instincts.  It's pushed my boundaries in a few areas, but it's brought me a great deal of peace overall.  It's hard to explain what a lifted weight it is to feel safe with one's own judgment making skills.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Each Day, I Feel Closer to Home

I am incredibly grateful for this most recent round of interviews and the insights they have provided.  Peeling back the layers of so many unexpected experiences and then having a chance to take some time to breath and return to oneself is insanely awesome.

Still not sure what's in store for the future, but the most recent tunnel of WTF has concluded and I feel all the better for it.  Determined, but open.  Not needing to go all ON with my freak flag, but definitely done deal with the old school boy's club of corporate life.

Keep your fingers crossed, y'alls - rested and ready!

Saturday, May 07, 2016

Thinking and Re-adjusting

I can't decide which of the three versions I've linked in the song title I like more, but all that matters is: Thank you, Hundred Waters!
    Hundred Waters
    Don’t let me show cruelty
    Though I may make mistakes
    Don’t let me show ugliness
    Though I know I can hate
    And don’t let me show evil
    Though it might be all I take
    Show me love
    Show me love
    Show me love
    Don’t let me think weakly
    Though I know that I can break
    Keep me away from apathy
    While I am still awake
    And don’t let me think too long
    Of the one I’m bound to face
    Show me love
    Show me love
    Show me love

Saturday, April 30, 2016


It's such a big word.  My mind is really having a problem wrapping itself around it.

Monday, April 25, 2016

A True Personality Profile

Two minutes to midnight when you have too much to say before the day closes, thus leaving a sense of closure but struggle still as it slips away.  And sooooo....

Sunday, April 24, 2016


a big moon rise on a warm spring night when I'm not dreading the next day is a blessing and joy that words cannot contain.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Context / Forgiveness

With everything going on, of course this pops up in a random feed.  I've been pretty focused on the joint relationship of forgiveness even if the other party is not a part of the process.  It works.

Well timed, universe, well timed.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

"Under Better Circumstances..."

More times than I can count, I've said "Under better circumstances...." this weekend, but the reality of life and living is that these *are* the circumstances. We live, love, and suffer loss. Sometimes a great deal of it in rapid succession. And sometimes in the middle of these crazy storms, you look around and realize the sheer incredibleness of being in the unfailing embrace of a tribe that embodies the Marley motto of loving hard when there's love to be had. So, then, a fitting occasion to come home and swing through waves of grief and laughter and loss and celebration filled with the "yeah, that!" moments that, for some of us, can only happen in the fold of a trusted circle.

"Barn's burnt down. Now I can see the moon." - Masahide

Friday, April 08, 2016

Sunday, April 03, 2016

Dear 2:46 AM

Thank you for your beautiful solitude. Your blessed quiet that even the birds do not interrupt. Your velvety, peaceful darkness. Most of all, thank you for your protective promise of a distant tomorrow in the midst of your beautiful slipstream of no to do lists and no deadlines.

Nothing but a lazy free fall.  A wonderful waking dream.

Monday, March 28, 2016

On Grief And Not Giving Up

I'm still learning this terrain of loss, and ironically, love,  How loss highlights how beautiful and strong and special love can be,  How wonderful quiet moments are.  How it is ok to be somewhat broken yet still step up and move on.

I won't lie.  I'll always miss that there won't be another belly laugh on the horizon with her.  I will always miss the feeling of being loved by him.  I'll miss sharing unexpected delight in any given ordinary moment,

If there is anything that Linda taught me it is that loss does not make me a lesser person and when I can invite loss in for a home-cooked meal, I'm actually the person on the mend.  Maybe not bigger, but certainly better.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

"For The Tough Days"

It took me a couple of weeks to get there, but I finally bought the ticket home for the service yesterday.  Funny what triggers what when traversing the landscape of loss and grief.

Things got very real.  
Still not in a triage-y, OMGWTFBBQ way, just in a new potently present way that I have yet to understand.  I kind of careened through the first week, not much restful sleep [I still wake up with tear drenched pillows, though I don't remember crying], and very thankful for three hard deadlines at work for distraction, and that first weekend was The Big Sleep.  Last week was equally as deadline driven, but some sleep softened the shellshock and focusing on the paces was a go-to sweet spot.  But last week was also when the errant thought could lead to a sucker punch of 'never again' complete with the hiccup gasp and sudden tears. 

I am remarkably calm about *everything* right now.  I could be riding some long range endorphin wave, but it doesn't really feel like it.  It's as though I've changed the channel on my internal radio or simply had the "reset" button pushed on my worldview.  I don't know how much of it is a positive response to an opportunity to hone my battle choosing skills, but it's a welcome respite from the previous months of feeling as though everything was a non-stop spin cycle.  

Interestingly enough, it's cycled back to TMB, which feels like no less a loss in many ways.  I dream of him as well, but most often in third person.  The single most recurring image in my dreams is getting caught up in a crowd as our entwined fingers get pulled apart.  I never see me look back.  Only forward.

I wonder how much of it coincides with this.  Though I do have a strong instinct for self-preservation, Linda was the mama bear who dared challenge the most physically and emotionally hurtful situation in my life when I had very few safe options and safety became an increasingly negotiable priority.  Physically and then psychologically, she was a potent protector and a haven.

So, she's gone now.  But sort of not really, though, in a manner of speaking, she has passed the torch to me.  That torch?  Protect what you truly value.  Infuse what you love with love.

Especially when that is you and your tribe.  And never stop making that tribe bigger, because there is always room.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Dreaming Of Monsters

As far as I can tell, the quote, 'if I got rid of my demons, I'd lose my angels" was authored by Tennessee Williams.

Since Tuesday, I've been dreaming of monsters.  Elaborate, detail filled dreams that were not restful but also weren't nightmare or night terror territory.  Being an ace at lucid dreaming and the fact that they were merely uncomfortable and not the "OMGWTF" tenor of 'mares and terrors, I decided to stick around through the ongoing ro
unds.  Though it did cause me to lose a great deal of restful sleep, it rewarded me with many different re-affirmations and insights.  First of all, fear can be your friend if you invite it in for a cup of tea, so speak, and listen to what it has to say instead of simply fighting it.  Fear is only bad if you let it cripple you, but respecting it can take you a long way on the path to a great deal of peace and insight.
I won't say that it's been *entirely* "Where The Wild Things Are", but let's do say that my version is pretty doggone good.  Last night's / this morning's was almost comical.  The monster [very "Alien"-esque] was moving in to, I dunno, eat my face, but I didn't run.  I was equal parts weary and curious and unafraid.  Complete, "Fuggit, let's see what happens" mode.  It paused and asked me why I wasn't running away and I told it I wanted to see what it really wanted.  I wishwishWISH I could remember what we talked about, but I woke up feeling like we ended up wandering about having a bit of a chat about things.  So many things.

It was odd and silly making [though I was dead on my feet for the first few hours of the day due to my night-time escapades], but the funny thing is that I woke up able to articulate something I hadn't before. [That's between me and my monster for now!]

Don't get me wrong, my monsters have been ugly, mother's love ugly [Freudian nod intended], but allowing them a spot at the table has been remarkable.  Maybe they are just misunderstood as it seems that they've been just looking out for me in their own monster-tarded way.  We just needed to find a common language.  And, for the record, they don't like loud, fricative noises either.  

Secondly, and seriously, be your own hero. It's probably overused and over-memed in a self help porn sort of way these days, but then again maybe it needs to be said until it truly strikes home.

Learn it.
Know it.
Use it.

Wednesday, March 09, 2016


Weirdly, Spotify recommended this to me on Monday, hours before you passed.
I'm still in shock, but I hope you know that you were so much more than a surrogate mother of sorts. You helped make me who I am today. You were beautiful and brilliant and wonderful and ever so loving and, ohhhhhh, that laugh.
You are ever in my heart and soul.  

Thank you.

Tuesday, March 08, 2016

"All Magical and Stuff"

I might have more to say about this at the end of the day, but for now, it's time to get ready for my place of gainful employ.

In the meantime, stay magical, y'all!

Sunday, March 06, 2016

Seems I'm On A Roll

And it's times like this when it feels like the universe is either repeatedly putting the same message in front of you or it's simply the message that you were looking for that's probably been there the whole time.  Much like when you learn a new word and suddenly it's ERRYWHUR.


I'm not aloof and I do believe strongly in manners and civility...but I fake nada.  NADA.  Nice kick in the pants, JB!

Friday, March 04, 2016

For The Love Of Owls

My sister-in-law just sent this to me and received a very gratifying response in return.  Many people  know that my love of owls and huskies run pretty much neck and neck and are ever so kind to feed these two beasts in my heart as often as possible. 

This, however, reminded me of yet another public transpo moment from earlier this week: apropos of exactly nothing, a man simply announced to me that my spirit animal is an owl and then got off of at the next stop. As if to say, "My work here is done" and dust his hands off with great satisfaction.

Thank you, universe, I love you, too!

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Oh, Sweet, Sweet Serendipity

How I so needed to find this song today.  Thank you!!

"The Love Within" - Bloc Party

Lord, give me grace and dancing feet
As I conquer all anxiety
The angel told me not to fear
That the power to was in me
For I have learnt the way to pray
Like a muscle growing taut now
Bind the past into a knot
And let the love consume us
Let the love consume us
Let the love consume us
Can you hear the stars now sing
Resounding in D major?
As the god vibration resonates
And pulls us up towards her
Take your shoes off, feel the earth
Beneath your feet respond to touch
And let our laughter now ring forth
As the love consumes us
The love within is moving upwards
Sweeter than any drug
The melody is taking over
Guide my hand through this hurt
Pull back the veil
Let your eyes meet this world
The love within is moving upwards
So don't you want to get high?
And don't you want to get high?
And don't you want to get high?
Don't you want to get
Don't you want to get high?

Sunday, February 21, 2016

You Weren't A Treasure, But You Were *My* Treasure

Mine is not about a dog, but a significant transition deserves to be properly honored, nonetheless.

Nothing matters but to each other and he mattered to me.

[Thanks, Hank.  *hugs*]

The Wonder Of It All

This brought me back to this.  How sometimes things just don't line up.  I realized today that I've always thought that, on some levels, I was born / living at the wrong time [too early].  I don't especially think that any more, but I still have a feeling that I would find it equally fantastic and devastating to live a thousand years and experience grand arcs of time.

TMB, we'll always have that time when things did line up for us, despite the odds that were most certainly against us.  Life is strange and not for the timid.  No one ever knows what's coming.  Just remember that life is simply a series of "hello"s. 

I look forward to saying "hello" again some day, but for now, I'll leave with MMB and the thousands of everything that we shared over the years.  Fitting that the quote below should come from River Song, having known a number of incarnations of the Doctor.

"You and me.  Time and space.  You watch us run."

Thursday, February 18, 2016

I Think I'm Going To End The Week On This Thought


If I could, I would whisper this into the ear of everyone. Not just girls and even to the haters.

Keep your head high and with compassion. Life may be short, but love is long. 

Not That I Needed A Reminder

...but this drives the point home every single day.  The money is workable, but to be penalized for being who you are is soul withering.

The words I use are too "big".
I understand complex math.

I enjoy science.  And science fiction.
I love doing research and often do it independently.
I ask questions in order to see the bigger picture.
I actively listen.
I pay attention.
It irritates you when I connect the dots.

Yes, I am the dreaded "smart girl" and, frankly, happy to be me.

Mostly, I just need to get back with people who are unabashedly smart, intensely curious, delightfully weird / quirky / fun [like a mixture of Grover, Snuffalupagus, and the Yips Yips] and love wild speculative discussions about all kinds of "what if"s that suddenly become "how 'bout this?"s. 

That's magic to me. 

Saturday, February 13, 2016


Three years ago today, I had a no good, very bad day.  Three years ago, I was reminded of the power of friends and family.  Three years ago and for many months moving forward, they [the doctors] were incredulous that I was still alive.  Three years later, I am.

Friday, February 12, 2016


Dear Me. This is you. Sincerely yours, Me.

Hello, Sweetie

I knew you'd reach out when you hit your comfort zone.  I don't know what to say except this is somehow a long term journey.  No judgment whatsoever but that I'm glad you're back.

[For a frame of reference.]
Life can be very unexpected.

Tuesday, February 09, 2016

Sunday, February 07, 2016


[though I learned the art far too early], adulting is not such a bad thing.  It can reap you rewards in spades.

Thursday, February 04, 2016


Your skepticism, which you presume is based on rational thinking and an objective assessment of factual data about yourself, is rooted in mental junk.  Your doubts are not the product of accurate thinking, but habitual thinking. Years ago you accepted flawed conclusions as correct, began to live your life as if those warped ideas about your potential were true, and ceased the bold experiment in living that brought you many breakthrough behaviors as a child.

Now it’s time for you to find that faith you had in yourself before.
~ Price Pritchett

Thursday, January 28, 2016

On Change

“For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. 

This is your birth.”

Monday, January 25, 2016

Phase 2

Given how much my bite had shifted, I did not get the perms today. She refit me with my new bite to let it all settle. And O M G. When she popped in the new set, I just started laughing because it feels so good. The tech said, I should be called "Giggles". My whole face is so full of "YES!"

It sounds so stupid, but I've missed my smile so much.