Sunday, January 25, 2015

Dear 2014 [belated]

I know that I asked for a challenge and you delivered.  A delivery that has had the focus of a force of nature. 

In no particular order, you took:


 - my ability to talk
 - my ability to walk 
 - my ability for comprehension
 - many of my memories

 - my comfort zone
 - my financial security
 - the love of my life leagues out of reach
 - my dignity, more times than once [overrated as that may be]

You made me:

 - fight the fuck back for what I have earned and deserve
 - realize how sensitive I am to those who are under represented
 - go fetal
 - rock my own bad self to sleep
 - weep body wrenching sobs of loss and confusion
 - dare to be heard
 - wake up more times than I care to admit at 3:30 gasping for air in a panic about fucking EVERYTHING
 - endure the 409 / urine stink of the ICU far too many times
 - make others laugh when I was withering inside, if only for the selfish reason that it made me feel better
 - laugh the black humour laugh at jokes that I get to make that comes from waking up not dead, again
 - fall down more times than I can count, but get back up, every single fucking time
 - care on levels that I thought not possible to achieve.  Sincerely. Deeply.


Dear 2014,

Thanks for the visit and the lessons.  Let's not do it again anytime soon.  Kisses!

I bid you adieu.

Best,
Jacki


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