Saturday, December 06, 2014

"Barn's burnt down; now I can see the moon" - Masahide [rough interpretation]

I know it's the pollen inspired [it *finally* started to rain after an 18 month drought and EVERYTHING is green and blooming] sinus into chest cold talking, but there is part of me that really is relishing in the comforting cover of clouds and the pounding of rain on my roof. 

Though being naturally and, sometimes, vigilantly optimistic, I often find myself quite emotional and contemplative in December.  I think it's combination of it being both the end of the calendar year as well as the end of my birth year that makes me look back and appreciate the weight of the year's experiences.  This year, moreso than most.

Generally, I thank the outgoing year for its challenges and welcome new ones from the incoming year.  I admit that seems a little navel gazy, but life is not for the timid and this year was no exception.  The Universe and I seemed to have had a lengthy discussion before I was born that this life would be a big one.  I reserve the right to reset my course, but I have never backed down from a challenge.  I am tired, but I am not done. 

I grieve for what I have lost and I have lost a great deal this year [no violins, please] and my course, as usual, continues to be corrected.  Some were huge gambles that I don't regret.  Some were ones that seemed to be great kindnesses, but were maneuvers that had hooks cleverly hidden within.  My bullshit detector is strong and I am thankful for that trait.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting at, except that sometimes, something like a chest cold that forces you slow down and regroup - under the protection of a few cloudy and rain drenched days, for example - can be a good thing.

The barn may be burnt down, but I know that the sun, the moon, and the stars are all there waiting when the healing clouds dissipate.

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