Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Ranking Tres High On "The Best Compliment I've Received" List

[From someone I've never met face to face]:  "Your laughter sparkles so much, I know your eyes must shine."

Saturday, December 20, 2014

The First Day...


was equal parts, "I got this!" and "holy crap, I've got my work cut out for me!" The biggest challenges are going to be dealing with all of the noise while getting up to speed on new software in a very distracting environment, which makes me lose focus and keeps things from sticking.  Interacting with the people is great and stimulating, but by the end of nearly 7 hours, I felt as though I was cusping; in hindsight, I think it was just blunt force exhaustion.

If I can get the paces down on the software quickly enough, I think I'll be in the clear.  It's exceptionally nerve wracking and stress is still a trigger point, so it might be yoga time again.  In any event, it's still progress and I rather have an uphill battle than no battle at all.




Sunday, December 14, 2014

My New Year Approaches

I'm sort of excited about it for many reasons.  Kind of caught between wanting to move on and to simply catch up, though I feel as though I have been running a sprint for quite some time.  Tomorrow begins the annual "making of lists" span of time.  Lists of gratitude, lists of hope, list of goodness, lists of things to let go of with quiet grace, and lists of thing for which to strive.

Stagger, struggle, and then soar.

"I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Influence

There are days when I am utterly astonished at the power of influence we have over each other, whether we mean to or not.  Every once now and again, I am reminded of this.  How a random smile or compliment can be the uptick in a person's day.  How your persistence and struggle, hugely frustrating to you, can be such a source of strength for someone else.

Despite my obstacles, I want to be stingy with criticisms and frustrations, but leave a wide path of happiness in my wake.
I come across this every now and again, but I think of it often.
But you know how it all works, how the small actions add up. And you now see how you can start to stack them up differently. The helpful suggestion upward, not made. The confidential memo leaked downward, or out. The book recommended to an inquiring student. No longer on the curriculum, but you might find it interesting - a different angle. The conversational concessions withdrawn. The conventional civility dropped. The hard stare back, the harder line held. The slack not cut. Elsewhere, the warmer smile. The word of encouragement. The grant approved. The link forwarded. The cartoon tacked up. The dues paid. The paper bought, the extra coin passed, the minute spent in friendly chat before you hurry for the train. The firm nod to your own kid's tentative query. 

- from The Early Days of a Better Nation

Sunday, December 07, 2014

On The Obligatory "Pollen EVERYWHERE!!" Chest Cold

While I do not miss my sternum feeling like a blow torch decided to give birth there, sounding like the lovechild of Bette David and James Earl Jones for a few days was pretty flipping awesome.

Saturday, December 06, 2014

"Barn's burnt down; now I can see the moon" - Masahide [rough interpretation]

I know it's the pollen inspired [it *finally* started to rain after an 18 month drought and EVERYTHING is green and blooming] sinus into chest cold talking, but there is part of me that really is relishing in the comforting cover of clouds and the pounding of rain on my roof. 

Though being naturally and, sometimes, vigilantly optimistic, I often find myself quite emotional and contemplative in December.  I think it's combination of it being both the end of the calendar year as well as the end of my birth year that makes me look back and appreciate the weight of the year's experiences.  This year, moreso than most.

Generally, I thank the outgoing year for its challenges and welcome new ones from the incoming year.  I admit that seems a little navel gazy, but life is not for the timid and this year was no exception.  The Universe and I seemed to have had a lengthy discussion before I was born that this life would be a big one.  I reserve the right to reset my course, but I have never backed down from a challenge.  I am tired, but I am not done. 

I grieve for what I have lost and I have lost a great deal this year [no violins, please] and my course, as usual, continues to be corrected.  Some were huge gambles that I don't regret.  Some were ones that seemed to be great kindnesses, but were maneuvers that had hooks cleverly hidden within.  My bullshit detector is strong and I am thankful for that trait.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting at, except that sometimes, something like a chest cold that forces you slow down and regroup - under the protection of a few cloudy and rain drenched days, for example - can be a good thing.

The barn may be burnt down, but I know that the sun, the moon, and the stars are all there waiting when the healing clouds dissipate.

Thursday, December 04, 2014

Surfacing...Still

"Be persistent. Be the weed growing through the cracks in the cement, beautiful - because it doesn't know it's not supposed to grow there."

Thank you, again, Shane Koyczan.