Sunday, November 30, 2014

Oh, December!

In less than four hours begins the final sprint of thought, gratitude, hope, intent, and fun for the year.  Both personal and calendar.

Bring the Ninth. [Thank you, Beethoven, for having been born on my birthday!]
Bring the rain.

Bring the peace with the past.
Bring the joyful anticipation for the future.
Bring the goodness.

Bring the love.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

By No Means Trying To Be Cryptic

I will fill in the details soon enough, but sometimes I think that it's easy to forget that there is as much power in "No" or "Not yet" as there is in "Yes".

Choosing one's battles can be the biggest challenge of all.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Why I Blog

I wrote the following on a newly found fellow blogger's site.  I will try to correct for errors of hastiness, but I do attest to all of this being true. :)

I started my first blog about 11 years ago because I’d just started a grand adventure of quitting a great job, packing up everything, and moving to San Francisco. I thought it would take 6 months. Instead, I was pulling up in front of my first apartment in just under 6 weeks. I was so full of fascination and excitement that I didn’t want to forget a single moment. I connected the blog to a flickr account as that seemed a great combination. As I became more involved in putting my words online vs paper [though paper is still very close to my heart], I really began to see that I write to learn what I already know. 

My postings were quite sparse for a few years, but after getting hit by a car about 20 months ago, resulting in 2 TBIs and what looks to be a permanent relationship with epilepsy, I found I needed an outlet. After the 2nd TBI, I went through several months of barely being able to find my words or walk. Two harsh blows to a writer who was formerly very physically active. Most importantly, especially after the second TBI, I woke up in the ICU with a profound understanding that I was no longer the person I once was; my brain was a new one, moreso, I could feel I’d lost memories. It’s a strange almost itchiness that I cannot quite articulate…yet. There were many parts of my old brain there, but the new brain was most definitely new.

Occupational and physical rehab take a long time to acquire when you are on government funded insurance, so I started it on my own as I’ve been a person of action from a very young age and the best way that I could think to begin rebuilding my fine motor skills [I couldn't even hold a pen at first], rebuild my vocabulary, and get my new and old brain to become best buddies was to write. And write. And write. But I really began by taking my new bifurcated brain on a stroll through both my blog and my flickr account. The result? My old brain did a great deal of, “Oh, hey! YEAH!! I DO remember that!” as though doors were being unlocked. My new brain was all, “I could most DEFINITELY hang with this chick; she’s flipping awesome.”

I still toggle between the two and try to mesh them into a single unit and some days it’s like being an adult toddler and more than a little frustrating, but mostly it’s new eyes and a lot of wonder.
I know there was a great deal of “me” in this post, but only because I think that there can be a great deal more than the perception of simple navel gazing that goes into blogging. It really does have the potential to change lives. To my mind, whether that be our own life or if it serves as inspiration to / sparks conversation with or amongst others makes no difference. It’s the willingness to articulate being brave and vulnerable in the face of life that makes the difference.   

All the difference, really.

Kindest regards, fellow bloggers, writers, and active participants of life!

The Beauty of Adversity

is how much it opens your eyes.

I saw this yesterday and immediately wanted to share it with TMB.  So I did.

I was so worried about putting my story out there, but I was told today by the President of a company for which I am interviewing that my very honest CL was the most heartfelt and compelling cover letter that he had read. 

Here's to being honest. Here's to being positive.  Here's to believing in your own journey.  And, finally, here's to accepting appreciation as the gift that it truly is. 

Shine bright because no one else can shine like you can.

Chef Quotes

I don't exactly agree with each of these philosophies, but the spirit of excellence and determination still shines through to me.  There are certainly times in the trenches [or "in the weeds" as we called it] when you are so overwhelmed that you don't have enough left over synaptic power to scream at the the Universe, "What do you *want* from my life?!?" 

But then the rush is over with lessons learned, skills sharpened, bonds strengthened, and the awesome rounds of exhausted but exhilarated grins accompanied by head shakes and nods of common acknowledgement:  "We did that!!"  And, of course, knowing that we'd be doing it all over again on the next shift.

Sorta like life.  Never give in; never give up.

"Things Chefs Say"

Monday, November 17, 2014


I randomly met a man on MUNI with epilepsy and his two epilepsy canines.  It started off very casually when he asked another guy across from us about this red drink that he was drinking as he was on his way to the gym.  He and I, almost simultaneously, responded that the amount of caffeine in the drink "would send me into a seizure" [him] and "would make my head go supernova" [me]. 

I braved it and asked if he has epilepsy and we launched into the most sane and enthusiastic "I know, huh?!" and "when I have this kind of seizure..." and all of the crazy nuances that go into it all the medical discussions I have ever had.  Maybe I will join a support group, afterall, because all of the mixed messages and the "that shouldn't effect this"s and "well, we really don't understand the brain very much at all"s have caused so much cognitive dissonance.

He apologized for his older dog paying me so much attention at first and then when I showed him that I was midway into a breakthrough seizure [which are much more mild now, but I still get pretty shaky and have to walk with great concentration], he smiled and said, "Oh! Well, then, he knows."

He lives in the neighborhood, so I hope we run into each other again - I should've grabbed his number: I think he could be a sweet soul seizure brutha and some days, when the "REALLY?" factor gets eyeball deep, you just want someone to bounce a "DOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!  That sh*t was f*cked up!" off of and know you are in excellent company for the *fistbumppow* "I hear ya!" action.

Saturday, November 15, 2014


"If all the things that you stood for
Were burned to ashes at your door
Would you stay and try some more?
What if the love you gave
Starin' at you from the grave
Would it make your heart explode?"

My answer is "YES"

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Do You Know awesome it is to have a common cold vs a potentially terminal condition?

It's flipping awesome. 

I want to make a special cup of tea for it as we settle into the comforters and try to stay awake through a movie.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Success is

...getting a PhD in adversity and using that as an advantage.


Thursday, November 06, 2014

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

They Keep Asking

"But what do you want from your life?"

I want to be the tiny giant force of positive nature that no one can deny as being true.

That.  That is what I want from my life.

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Thought For The Day #2 [repeat]

'Nuff said.

Thought For The Day #1


To My Love: Wish You Were Here

Both figuratively and physically.  So many things I want to share. Good things, 'wow' things, 'can you BELIEVE that shit?' things, hopeful things, super secret hopeful things that I fear might die before fruition if I speak their names aloud things. My fears, even. So many of them I shared with you and bared myself to you in ways no one else has ever known. 

But mostly things, both random and important.  

Thingful things.  Silly things. 

Hopes. Dreams.
Wish you were here so that I could whisper them to you and feel safe in knowing that they were in good hands.
I love you as ever.