Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Thoughts and Ideals

Years of being in operations / logistics and a background filled with love and warmth by my family of choice has taught me this:

First step: start with gratitude. 

I am grateful for my wonderful family of friends and loved ones.  I'm grateful for the love of my life, through struggles we keep returning to each other full of support and love and have each other's backs [even when I'm in a snit and he is silent.]  I'm grateful for another day because it is another success.  I'm grateful for being able to be a strong and open sounding board and source of confidence to both new and old friends.  I am grateful to still be me, a new me for certain, but I am learning to like her.  A lot.  I am grateful for not having to live under a bridge.  I am grateful for my mental health, especially each time I watch someone go bonkers because they haven't received proper health care.  I'm grateful that I can feel empathy yet am learning that baby steps are the way to make the climb back and tackling the world isn't always the best course of action.  I'm grateful for learning to ask as well as calling shit when shit needs to be called. I'm grateful for the opportunity to stand on the shoulders of giants and learn how to be my own tiny giant every single day.

Second step: Form a plan.  Declare your desires.

I want my life back. I can handle seizure maintenance, but I would ask that the chronic pain go away.  The feet are the hardest, the sensation of walking on glass is both horrifying and exhausting.  The occasional tremors, I'll work through.  I want my love beside me.  I want a job that I can go to and feel good about.  I want to cook and dance and keep laughing the uninhibited laugh I've always had, but I want to do it while relaxed and feeling secure.  I want to keep making my mark.  I want to write that book.  I want to continue recovery and pull everyone up that I know with me.  I want my future back.

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