Friday, October 31, 2014

When The Royal Family Acts Like True Royalty

At a point when sportsmanship is not often highlighted or praised, I've noted to a HS classmate [Royals fan] what a class act the Royals have been and what a great to team to play against in this series. Both teams really put their heart into these games without nastiness or chumpiness.

It really could have gone either way and while it is fun to be taking home the trophy and basically have a double civic holiday tomorrow [Halloween in the City...on a Friday, hullo!], it's wonderful to see such kindness and respect in the midst of crazy competition.

The Giants may the Awesome Orange, but the Royals are True Blue and essentially reset the bar on real time sportsmanship and respect. Royals fans, I hope you stand proud by your guys!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there were really no losers here and that was because of the character of the players. Fully bolstered and supported by the Royals family.

Lotta peeps could learn a great deal from this Series.

CLASS ACT IN DEFEAT: Giants fans on twitter pointed out a classy move by the Royals after San Francisco clinched the title last night. The fountains at Kauffmann Stadium, which had been many different colors during the series, including Royals blue, were turned orange... presumably to congratulate the Giants!

Thursday, October 30, 2014

When The Giants Win The Series

Despite all of the explosions [we have an affinity for sticks of dynamite, though the upper Mission set off fireworks, which was cool] that finally tailed off around 2:45AM - tres suxors, as I had to be up three hours later - the City is generous in its joyfulness, celebration, and support of its teams, 'specially Los Gigantes. VAMOS!! So many buildings lit up in orange for the last 10 days. Sooooo many people in orange. The fronts of buses say, "Let's go, Giants!!" Today, many say, "WE DID IT!!"

Last night there were bugles, vuvuzelas, drums, car horns, oceans of gleeful yells and chants for hours, public transpo drivers tooting the Giants chant, the 5 and 8 year olds next years, surely jacked up on sugar and adrenaline and up well past their bedtimes at 11pm on a school night still yelling in the back yard that the Giants had won [they will never, ever forget last night]...even though it kept me up, it made me happy.

So much exuberance.

It was a great series [aka "torture"] and the Royals are a class act who played amazing games and I hope their fans are incredibly proud. I know I have mad respect. [Gosh, Game 6?? 11-0? Daaaaaaaaaaang.], but I'm proud that we didn't back down from a challenge.

The parade will be awesome tomorrow. It's pretty much a civic holiday at this point. *squee* 2012 below; tomorrow should be even better! And if it rains, well, we'll finally have complete confirmation of Bumgarner's true skill set.  It would be a fitting follow-up to one of the best sports headlines I've read in a long, long time:
"The Giants lead 3-2 after eighth - Bumgarner healing the sick, turning water into wine"

Perhaps we'll be adding "rainmaker" to his resume as well.


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Even though

I recognize that while I have a gnat's chance of getting a good night of sleep tonight, it's good to be a tiny giant in the city of the Giants.

Well played, team, well played!

Monday, October 27, 2014


There are days when I really wish more soft skills were taught. There is a world of difference between "I worry for you" and "Wow, things are tough for you right now, but I know you can do this! Let me know how I can help."

Those two messages are wildly different. The last thing that a stressed out person needs to hear is that others are stressed out by their situation. It may sound caring from the person saying it, but it is an additional burden to the person who is probably *this* close to buckling.

OTOH, acknowledgement, validation, and the offer of support can trigger a quick change of perspective and an openness that they may not have had previously. It might provide that open psychological space to re-evaluate and bring down their inner stress volume because they feel heard and can be confident that there is a safety net available to them.

In short, choose your words carefully and emphasize the positive path. Always the positive. [A few cuss words won't hurt, though.]

Sunday, October 26, 2014



I Am So Ready

For the unmitigated joy, calm, and whimsy that I've earned.  I asked to be challenged and I have risen to and beyond those challenges.  I now humbly entreat the Universe to lead me to a place where belly laughs are the rule and not the exception, where I can apply all I've learned about myself and others in a very real and positive way, and where I can tackle new challenges with a certain sense of security.  [True security being a myth and all.]

Nothing left but the belief in possibility
 - Kent Bowker "Cold Blue Nights"

Thursday, October 23, 2014


And with tons of scenes from one of my favorite movies: "The Intouchables"


Saturday, October 18, 2014

Saturday In The Park

Karen and I sat in the park and, while deconstructing life, watched people fall down the hill and dogs enjoy having legs.  She was exceedingly patient with my lack of composure as I laughed my ass off...and I pretty much went to town.  No one got physically hurt, but much dignity was lost and I thank every single person who made a donation on behalf of my sheer and complete enjoyment.

Hell is keeping a seat warm for me.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

To Be Clear

Half this stuff just cracks me up anymore.  I just really cannot do anything but laugh. 

Government entities redefine cognitive dissonance.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

And On The Good Days...

I cannot feel my feet at all beyond vague tingles.  If that doesn't make you walk stupid, nothing will. 

I cannot wait to see the bruises tomorrow.  Battle scars of the highest degree.  At least I wasn't carrying glass.

Still. Two miles. Two fucking stubborn ass miles.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Thoughts and Ideals

Years of being in operations / logistics and a background filled with love and warmth by my family of choice has taught me this:

First step: start with gratitude. 

I am grateful for my wonderful family of friends and loved ones.  I'm grateful for the love of my life, through struggles we keep returning to each other full of support and love and have each other's backs [even when I'm in a snit and he is silent.]  I'm grateful for another day because it is another success.  I'm grateful for being able to be a strong and open sounding board and source of confidence to both new and old friends.  I am grateful to still be me, a new me for certain, but I am learning to like her.  A lot.  I am grateful for not having to live under a bridge.  I am grateful for my mental health, especially each time I watch someone go bonkers because they haven't received proper health care.  I'm grateful that I can feel empathy yet am learning that baby steps are the way to make the climb back and tackling the world isn't always the best course of action.  I'm grateful for learning to ask as well as calling shit when shit needs to be called. I'm grateful for the opportunity to stand on the shoulders of giants and learn how to be my own tiny giant every single day.

Second step: Form a plan.  Declare your desires.

I want my life back. I can handle seizure maintenance, but I would ask that the chronic pain go away.  The feet are the hardest, the sensation of walking on glass is both horrifying and exhausting.  The occasional tremors, I'll work through.  I want my love beside me.  I want a job that I can go to and feel good about.  I want to cook and dance and keep laughing the uninhibited laugh I've always had, but I want to do it while relaxed and feeling secure.  I want to keep making my mark.  I want to write that book.  I want to continue recovery and pull everyone up that I know with me.  I want my future back.

Oh, Limbo

It's amazing how exhausting waiting can be.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Something I Think About Every Day ["Give A Little Love" - Noah and the Whale]

Give A Little Love

Well I know my death will not come
'Til I breathe all the air out my lungs
'Til my final tune is sung
That all is fleeting
Yeah, but all is good
And my love is my whole being
And I've shared what I could
But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart

Well my heart is bigger than the earth
And though life is what gave it love first
Life is not all that it's worth
'Cause life is fleeting
Yeah, but I love you
And my love surrounds you like an ether
In everything that you do
But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart

Well if you are (what you love)
And you do (what you love)
I will always be the sun and moon to you
And if you share (with your heart)
Yeah, you give (with your heart)
What you share with the world is what it keeps of you

Saturday, October 11, 2014

I'm Not Sure I've managed to do this, remain grounded and centered, what lucky star I was born under, how the bad crazy gene skipped me [as Susie so accurately assessed though, it really is why I didn't want to bear children.]  I've skirted depression, the urge to give up, I even keep refusing to die - but I have looked each one in the eye.  I just can't stop getting back up, because the winner is that person who doesn't give up and lasts five more minutes...even if that five more minutes is built on five more minutes and takes months. 

Fall down seven times, get up eight.  Persistence.

One of the things about walking through the city this last week, however, was seeing so many people in need and just wanting to find a way to bring them up.  To get them help for their mental illnesses and addictions and demons.  It's hard to realize how easily that line can be crossed from "all is good and well" to "holy shit, I'm fucked!"  How it can kill self esteem and draw you under the current.  How hard it can be to ask for a hand up or a second chance when that's really all you need.  Someone to have your back.

Don't worry about the future
Or know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday

[Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)]

Funnily enough, mine blindsided me at around 9pm on an idle Tuesday and I was worried about so many other things.  It entirely changed my trajectory.  In the next ten years, I want to look back and think that the car accident and this managed epilepsy with all its extra bonuses was really a blessing in disguise.  It made me stop and recalibrate.  Honestly consider my priorities and then make that into a habit, a checking point.

Maybe I don't have enough money to save the suffering as I would love to do so very much, but I made eye contact and smiled at every person that I could yesterday.  A doorman told me that I had a "glorious smile." For now, maybe my glorious smile, open laughter, and direct acknowledgment of personhood can be a tiny shining light on someone's dark day that can make a difference.

"Remember the times when you could have pressed 'quit', but you hit 'continue'."
[Shane Koyczan]

Friday, October 10, 2014

I Forgot What A Friday Feels Like

But I unapologetically enjoyed myself surfing silly sites on the web tonight after logging an amazing amount of foot miles and a pretty decent number of hours.

Back to work manana.  Sleep sweet, whomever in the world is sleeping.  My noggin is full of red wine and IPA which I plan to sleep off with great endurance in a few minutes.

This might be an epic sleep.

The Social Animal

I love this talk.

Monday, October 06, 2014

The Story of My Life

As soon as I think I should go, the Universe presents reasons why I should stay.

Surfacing [part 2]

Mah head is full of so many thoughts they seem to be actually arguing with one another for a prime time position.

It's like a personal press conference.