Monday, September 15, 2014

A New Chapter

Sooooooo, after some very excellent advice from Ben and after a long think, I have come to some conclusions:

 - The bigger picture of the medical industry here in the States is truly based on profit margins.  [I promise that I'm not wearing a tin foil hat.]  Every time I go to the doctor or get hauled into the hospital and they run tests, they find something new that they see as "suspicious"; some are spot on: getting hit by a car and slamming one's head into the floor during a gran mal for several minutes will cause brain injuries and bring on epilepsy.  However, there's a lot of other hoohah that involves half days devoted to sitting in medical facilities only to be told that one needs to come back for more tests and more half days spent waiting around in medical facilities because no one can agree on what is going on and shit ton of contradictory instruction.

My final conclusion is that I actually and inherently know best what to do with my body without being kept on a constant red alert by the people who are meant to be helping me.  And who probably are, but are so overworked and disconnected that they cannot put together a cohesive conclusion.

Additionally, the sticker prices are outrageous: $3000 for a two mile ambulance ride that only required that I be strapped down to my gurney due to my seizure activity - no drugs, no invasive measures, no triage; $30,000 for less than 20 hours of observation and tests; $150,000 for two days in ICU and two days in general with many IVs, many monitoring devices, lots of bloodwork, and no brain tests; $10,000 for a 60 minute or so, brain mapping session. 

 - Disability, which should help bridge me as I undergo some occupational and physical therapy with the goal of going back to work is a virtual mind fuck as I can't have enough assets to live on [less than $2000 total], but they make take up to 6 months to deny your initial claim [which they openly admit that they probably will do], then begins the appeal process for any length of time.  Unthinkable.

 - I hate being rudderless. I hate being told 'no'.  I hate not having options.  I hate feeling like a "have not" when I have loyally contributed so much for so long.

I'm not a petulant child but I have stopped having any kind of faith in and certainly have no need for corporate living.  I have been a "real go getter, willing to roll up my sleeves" employee for years.  I have been celebrated, promoted, and offered many words of appreciation, seldom, of course, without raises [bonuses, yes, but they do not impact one's salaried baseline.]  It's a sort of new form of indentured servitude; the terms of which can be changed at will and without notice.  Often they are and it is a practice that is both widely accepted and endorsed.  Also, an offer that I decline. 

In short, "The Boiler Room" mentality is welcome to go fuck itself. A to Z.

 - Which brings us to the final conclusion.  Rewrite the rules.  I have yet to figure just how but I have some ideas for the long term, but first is the issue of the fundamental security of income.  I am fairly certain that the rest will write itself as I begin to be able to divert my energies from chasing down agencies to creating an active path forward.

 I do, however, have to say that it is freeing to step outside of the grid.

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