Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A Week of Strong

After weeks of rolling seizure states and nearly six months of fighting a soul sucking uphill battle with social services agencies whose mission statement is to help you, but whose goal in action is to hinder you, a week of strong, and finally having a neuro and GP who are firmly on Team Jacki, I have finally gone a week without once breaking down and weeping from the overwhelming frustration of it all. 

I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised at how Machiavellian the bureaucratic process is, but overall, the process is demeaning, demoralizing, and dehumanizing, at best.  I wish that every Senate member and Congressperson was forced to take a year without pay, starting with access to only $5000 in checking and savings, little to no access to reserve funds or benefits of any kind and be forced to navigate the system.  Maybe even take away their car, so that they have to reach all of the in-person interviews by public transportation or the kindness of friends and / or family.  It will only make the hours spent on hold or the constant redial in order get an actual place in the phone queue seem like cakework.

Maybe start things off by giving 2/3 of them the flu and in anticipation of the this "year of experience" [something akin to Rumspringa meets The Hunger Games], make their flu vaccination a placebo so that they are appropriately blindsided when they become retchedly ill, in need of medical assistance [which they cannot afford and for which they have no insurance, because the system's process can take up to nine months to review and finalize], find themselves in a position unable to search for work due to long term complications from the flu and are forced to try and navigate a system that seems bound and determined to work against them at every turn. 

With hope, they are married and have children, so they have a chance to experience how the stress of this situation creates rifts and tensions at home and with family in general.  How with friends, the loss of any secondary or tertiary properties, sailboats, yachts, you name it or the ability to host fabulous parties or the clout to be a heavyweight mover and shaker renders them unable to "keep up with the Joneses" and watch as their once inner circles of influence discreetly recede.

To maintain balance, the other 1/3 should have chronic health issues, that, if untreated could result in a serious escalation of health problems or even death, dovetailing their narrative with the one above, beginning with, "in need of medical assistance...."

I wonder how much these experiences would change how they would vote and legislate in the future.  It may be cynical for me to say that it probably wouldn't change much, but I still would like them to experience what real people who have been scrupulously responsible and unfortunate in their luck have to go through at the hands of a negligent government more interested in warfare on foreign soil than the welfare of its own populace.

Yet and still, it was a strong week that afforded a clear mind and so many deserved breakthroughs.  If nothing else comes of this whole circus of a clusterfuck, it's the reminder that I am still every bit the scrapper as I have always been.  This is now accompanied by a quiet determination that backs up my own personal brand of confidence.  It's easy to pull the rug out from under confidence, much less so with determination. As James A. Baldwin once said, "
The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose."

You rang?

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