Sunday, July 06, 2014

The accidental "vegetarian"

Because of both being incredibly frugal at the moment and because I'm such a princess that I only truly love my meat / chicken grilled over a flame, but do not currently have the space or money for a grill, I have been declared by a nutritionist as a 'vegetarian'.  I only got that upgrade because when she called me a 'vegan',  I took great exception and calmly pointed out that I eat cheese. Sometimes. I will happily eat meat / chicken / fish if someone else is cooking or buying it at this point. 

There are also two additional complicating factors: I am prone to hyperfocusing and can lose track of time for hours on end working on a project, only coming out of my zone because I realize that the stomachache I have is because I need to pee.  Additionally, all the times of being so violently ill and trying to eat or drink only to become more violently ill, I now have what is called "refeeding syndrome".  In layman's terms [you can Google it, if you'd like] my brain associates those foods with being ill and instinctively avoids them, which creates an ever narrowing landscape of food that I can successfully intake as well as a kind aversion to food.  No bueno.

Her deal, of course, is that my diet wreaking havoc on my body.  She called it a "starvation level" diet that had me in a state of moderate malnutrition in the direction of severe malnutrition; a detail that can exacerbate both my anxiety and my tendency to seize. This is how protein has become a literal prescription for me, as the amount of nutrients I could get from the eating pattern I was on meant that I would have eat all day and I would still fall short of a reasonable window of nutrition.

This is all well and good, but I've come to realize [on day 3, they started feeding me hospital food and that truly brought this into focus] is that I really, really, and I do mean REALLY love vegetables.  Of almost any kind.  And, recently, many kinds of fruit, as well.  In light of this, what I've been trying to do is put in a few hours of research each day on protein balanced meals that are economically feasible [largely, non-animal protein based] right now. 

However, even when my economic situation is on the up and up again, I'm not sure how meat heavy my diet will be.  Maybe some fish and the occasional BBQ, but, honestly, I long to have a beautiful garden, much as my friend Kay does, and just walk out my back door to harvest what I've spent working on during days in the sun and the rain.

Please don't get me wrong, there's really nothing socially conscious about this.  It's simply the tug of foot to earth, hand in soil, and sensory filled gratitude for the goodness in my body and the bodies of those with whom I share the fruits of my labors of love.

Funny what happens when you get your ass kicked.

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