Thursday, June 26, 2014

On faith

Reading through the discharge paperwork, I finally realized why they sent me to ICU so quickly and what the purpose was regarding the questions about DNRs, religion, and next of kin.  Though relatively young, a non smoker, moderate red wine drinker [at best], near vegetarian who makes an effort to stay active [planking to walking, I'm on it], I came in with a resting heartrate of 160.  A number of factors came into play on this, none of them cholesterol or poor lifestyle, just my little chihuahua heart trying to beat itself to the finish line while being crazy dehydrated and severely mineral deficient.

The religion question, which came up on so many forms, kind of got to me, though.  I appreciate the care taken to ask that kind of question, but I didn't have an answer.  Until last night.  And for no particular reason. 

I have faith.  Faith in the possibility of everything and nothing, all at once.  I have faith that if I choose to remain engaged with the world around me, I will understand that I am. I am here.  I belong here.  Wherever that "here" might end up being.  My faith realizes that the greatest of journeys starts with the most unlikely of ingredients, details unaddressed, accidental leaps taken, only to find yourself where you didn't consider wanting to be.  But finding that you are happy and excited and, with each step, that much more at home in your own skin.

My religion? Faith.

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