I can tell you what it was:
Forgetting things that need not be contemplated
Allowing myself to be open and uncomplicated
The quietest and most soothing of moments
It's a week out of the hospital and I know for certain that I made the right decision to not admit myself while you were here. While I do appreciate the care that I was provided, it was a horrible experience. It would have been hard having you here during that time. The bruises and scabs are just now beginning to fade and I'm just now starting to breathe easy.
I was a mess, moreso than I knew. I'm better now and I've learned a great deal in the process. Bit of a way to go, still. If I can get all of the government funds that I should get, I can step back and focus on physical and occupational rehab therapies while, hopefully, getting certificated as a therapist / advocate for the disabled as the next step in my career path. Big chunk to chew off, but an exciting path to be on. One I truly believe in and have now seen from the inside out.
But more importantly, I just love you so much. I don't know how I got so lucky to have you as a partner, but somehow I am. Your soft beard, your quiet way, your hand at the small of my back when you sense me being weak, scooping me up in the middle of the night just because you love having me close. Air kisses and soft open mouthed snores.
I love you, Ben Rawson, as I have loved no one else.