Saturday, January 04, 2014


I think that, equally, my curse and salvation will be that one word. [That and "I don't know" in the most real of senses almost got me killed for most of my childhood...because I I didn't know, mostly because I still needed to know why, on so many different levels.]  I realize that is the brain of a child, bursting with passionate curiosity and creativity because not having limitations imposed is the birthplace of possibility.

I eventually reached a place of "because."  Not "because" followed by an explanation, simply "because."  I understand the logic of "because": it's comfortably and deceptively safe.  It's also stagnant and often lacking vitality.  And, to be clear, this isn't an "Eat, Pray, Love" kind of post.  I'm simply trying to explore what makes us want to swim in the wonder of it all.  To get out of bed and "do this thing" because it really would be easier to go all Pink Floyd on life.  But I don't want to.  I get bitchy.  I get pissed off and fed up and I throw mini tantrums.  I'm not always San Francisco hippy dippy, but I just cannot stand the idea of giving up.  And I cannot stop asking "why?', not as an indictment, but as a means to understand.  Maybe it will always only be beautiful chaos, but I crave knowing the mysteries behind people's personal stories, science, math, and every other undiscovered wonder in the universe/s.

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