Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Robot Dreams

Looking up the lyrics to the Postal Service's cover of Bjork's "All is Full of Love" a while back, I came across Chris Cunningham's stupendously beautiful video for her original track. [Click the word 'large' under the pic to see the video, but the text is a wonderful breakdown of the creative process that went into making the video itself and well worth reading.]

So, I didn't actually dream of robots, but after a very long conversation with a friend who pointed out that I might be serving as an obstacle in their process and questioning how fair that was on my end to remain in the mix, and after writing a long letter to Joe, I did have a dream. In that dream, Joe showed up on my doorstep. I was full of mixed emotions as I had already told him goodbye, but he told me that he wanted to give me a foot massage. Please, to just let him rub my feet. [And understand that neither of us has a foot fetish or kink like that; it was a very emotional, but non-erotic request.] So I invited him in and we sat on the stairs while he gave me a massage. As he did, he sang "All is Full of Love" to me.

you'll be given love

you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it

maybe not from the sources you have poured yours
maybe not from the direction you are staring at
twist your head around
it's all around you

all is full of love
all around you

all is full of love
you just ain't receiving

all is full of love
your phone is off the hook

all is full of love
your doors are all shut

all is full of love
in any language

all is full of love......

I know it won't come as a surprise that I woke up crying, but this is that whole 'the only way out is through' thing. If I had to lose someone, in a sense, I'm glad that it's someone who left me a little, no...a great deal richer for having had that connection. I'll spare details, but I will say that no one, through his own genuine personality, warmth and intelligence has ever, and I do mean ever, made me feel so cherished, beautiful and amazing as Joe has. I'm not saying he's perfect, either. He does have this odd aversion to clogs, for example.... But again, if I have to lose something, at least it's something that's raised the bar and changed the playing field.

I guess the consolation prize is that I get to still wear my beloved clogs.

There is always that.

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