Sunday, September 03, 2006

Dee ewe en

And not in the 4AD style, either.

Earlier this week, I told him that just because it was the end of the beginning, it didn't mean it was the beginning of the end. Unfortunately, my heart doesn't seem to believe that.

Thank God I don't make a habit of this falling in love stuff. And the next time it happens, can't I do it with someone who can be at the same place with me? Not to say that one of us is ahead of the other, close. So fucking far.

To be really fair, I do need another six months before I'm on top of my game in all aspects...but still. If anyone's seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and the scenes where he's watching his memories/treasured moments being erased and rails against the process...whatever it is I'm feeling is like that. And that impossible moment in the bed on the beach in the snow. I have no idea why that stuck with me, but it did.

There have been a number of times it sucked to walk away or watch things come to an end, but I just don't remember the last time I struggled so hard with letting bygones be bygones, with letting go. Perhaps my 'catch and release' philosophy has come back to bite me in the ass.

Or maybe I just need to get that dog. I'm telling you....

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