Monday, August 28, 2006

And now for something completely different...

I'm horrible at being pathetically sad. Outside of kissing and making up, I dig up funny stuff to make myself feel better. This out of print book is one such example:
Then Some Other Stuff Happened
edited by Bill Lawrence

If you can find a cheap used copy on Amazon, it's worth picking up. Especially if you're an American history buff.

Chapter 1
Around The Round

The story of America is told in sagas. Sagas are mid evil tales about certain men who did certain things. Such men as: Davey Crochet, Daniel Boone, Jessie James, Robing Hood and the Vikings.

Getting Our Longatute

The Vikings saw America first. They discovered Japan and Jamacia and claimed they discovered Greenland, but it was really part of Canada.

Eric the Red was a Viking leader. He was called Eric the Red because he sailed the Red Sea a lot. His son, Leaf Ericson, was blown off course and discovered Finland.

All the Vikings wore odd kinds of hats.

Vikings and other early sailors sailed with an astrolobe, an instrument for finding the longatute of yourself. That is, it showed sailors where the sun, moon, and stars were.

Cathay was another insturment for getting your longatute and latatute and for telling how far away the horizin is.

About the ninth century the Mohammeds overun the Holly Land under their leader, a man named Moslem. The Crusaders tried to get the Holly Land back so they could unite the world and go to America.

One of the greatest Crusaders was Richard the Lion Harded, King of Urope. Richard went off on a Crusade and left the throne to John, his greety brother. Prince John made a mess of the throne and Robing Hood had to come and straighten it out. The Crusaders brought back luxuries which increased the trade between Asia and the Far East and made people want to find better ways to get to America. One of the Crusader ships was captured and used in going to the U.S.

Marco Polo had already discovered China. Marco Polo was from Venus, Italy, where everybody speaks Italian. HIs name means "Great Khan" in the Italian.

Well, Marco Polo and the Crusaders were blown off course and all but one ship, the one Marco Polo was on, decided to stick to the job so they came to land on Oct. 12, 1942, and they called it America.

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