You've been carrying on an affair of "intense eye-contact" for two years with a person who rides home on the same bus and gets off one stop before you. You do not know their name.
You bitch constantly about how hard it is to meet people in the city.
You take the bus and are shocked to hear 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
Your co-worker tells you they have eight body piercings - and none are visible.Someone says "Tenderloin" - you don't think of steak.
You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in July is just visiting from Ohio.
You were born somewhere else.
You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.
You experience "commitment issues" when deciding who to hang out with next weekend.
You feel prudish for never having had a threesome.
You're tan in spring and fall, pale in summer.
You'd like to spend more time exploring Berkeley, but its just so damn far away.
You found your current aparment, car, couch, running pals, bookgroup, girlfriend/boyfriend, and booty call all on Craigslist.
Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers"....and it's not the first time you have seen him/her nude.
You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aroma therapy, conversational Mandarin or a building your own web site class.
You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.
Left is right and right is wrong.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
Your family tree contains "significant others."
Your cat has its own therapist.
You can't remember... Is pot still illegal?You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US
A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
Your car insurance costs as much as your rent.
When you drive under an underpass - for one moment you think "earthquake".
You realize the only Republicans you know are your Aunt and Uncle in Texas.
You go to your office manager's baby shower - the parent's are named Judy and Becky.
Your church elects a new Bishop who abandoned his family and two young daughters to fulfill his sexual urges with another man.
You make well over $100,000 and you still can't find a nice place to live.You've lived in the Marina for three and a half years and you've been to the Mission once for drinks. You're main impression is that it's "dirty". You won't go back.
You think anyone who drives a car to work is decadent.
You keep a list of companies to boycott.
You've lived in the Mission for three and a half years and you've never been to the Marina.
You consider Tom Kha Gai or burritos staple foods.
You consider hamburgers a "rare treat".
You wear foam trucker caps and cowboy hats out regularly in San Francisco, but you wouldn't be caught dead wearing one in Stockton.
At any given time, you are carrying three or more tiny electronic devices, some of which emit noises and/or buzzing at different frequencies, and all of which "simplify" your life.