Monday, August 22, 2005

My head is a-splodin' no more

It went down to the wire, but I finally made my decision and have been slowly recovering the use of the previously exploded brain cells over the course of the last several days.

Slowing down has been hard and I've put a concerted effort into doing just that. Seems kind of silly really, but the go gets to be a habit and then the now gets lost.
So, down I slowed so back I could come.

And for the first time in a long, long time, there's a kind of peace. Not a heady rush or a giddy thrill, but a quiet calm. And not to say that the tumult has been or will be bad or undesirable, but the calm is nice, too. Very nice.

The oddest thing that's happening lately is that I wake up in the earliest of early morning hours when everything is quiet. Sometimes I stay in bed and listen to the quiet, sometimes I get up and start writing or working on a project, but most of all, I feel something in me being nurtured in these hours and am loathe to simply sleep through them. It's not a sacredness so much as what feels like a perfect span of gentle abundance, a veritable 'golden hour'. The only thing I can liken it to is one of my favorite recurring dreams/fantasies from childhood of being locked in a library after hours and having the entire place to myself for the length of the night and what heaven that would be. The hours between 3 and 7 are like that. Pure sublimity.

All this to say that life is excellent. Ever weird and surprising in its twists and turns, but excellent nonetheless.

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