I had a dream this evening. I was on a boat that was traveling through an amazing path of galactic clusters. For awhile, Logan was with me. We were talking about the clusters and making plans for the upcoming Spoon show. We pulled up beside another boat and as he switched boats to be with his girlfriend, he handed me a postcard. It was from A and it was postmarked from both Florida and Guam (WTF?) It said:
Everything hits at once
What we need is just what we want
I go to sleep but think that you're next to me
I go to sleep and think you're next to me
We continued through the clusters and the boat captain told me not to forget to check my text messages. When I looked at my cell there was a text from A that read:
I'll never hold you back
And I won't force my will
I will no longer do the Devil's wishes....
But I will be there with you when you turn out the light
Said I will be there with you when you turn out the light
I will be there with you when you turn out the light
I started to put my phone away and a second text came through from A:
If there’s anything you want
Come on back ‘cause it’s all still here
I’ll be in the back room drinking my half of the beer…
And now time is my time
Time is my own
And I feel so alive yet feel so alone
'Cause you know you’re the one and that that hasn’t changed
Now, I have had Spoon on the brain (the quotes are from Spoon songs: 'Everything Hits At Once', 'Paper Tiger' & 'Anything You Want', respectively) and have been in contact with Logan as we're planning to see them in June when they hit SF, but the content of those specific quotes is nothing short of a complete mindfuck. This is where I become my own worst enemy and would do just about anything to turn my brain off. I suppose that this is just how the heart lays desire to rest. It's just been a long time since my brain and heart were so diametrically opposed. Funny how easily one forgets. A little twisted, actually.
But I know that I did the right thing, even if it is a sad way to close a chapter. Regardless of how much it sucks. And suck it does.